Journey to Beauty

On brokenness, beauty, and writer's block

2012-02-22T08:57:00.001-08:00

To write is to give. To be flat out, all out generous with your story. To wrap up your words, your life, your failings, your most miserable moments and your wild and wonderful discoveries and give them to somebody else. To share them with someone, to encourage someone, to re-gift what have been the hardest parts of your story in ways that make other people feel they are not alone.
Lisa-Jo , The Gypsy Mama

I don't like the word vulnerable.

In fact, I hate it as much as one can hate a word. I like being vulnerable even less. In almost three years of blogging here I've learned something about myself. Pouring through old posts, I've taught, admonished, and quoted scripture, but these are my ruse. They are well worn camouflage that I wear to hide behind. I peak out rarely, always reverting back inward because..

I don't want you to see me, the real me. I want you to see someone who is put together all the time. I want you to see someone with a perfect marriage. I want you to see my mask and no deeper, because if you did, I'm afraid you may not like what you see. I'm afraid you'd judge me. You might see someone who struggles with insecurity and pain, despair and longing.

You might see that I'm broken.

And yet, brokenness is the very thing we all need, this upside down Kingdom that plays the world a fool; the last shall be first, lose your life to find it, the foolish shall confound the wise, and most importantly being broken is the gateway to wholeness.

Broken like the women at the well, the leper, the adulteress.

Broken in a continual sense, one that isn't fixed by skipping off into the sunset happily-ever-after, but the daily grind of continually accepting grace from a God who gives so freely.

There is beauty in the chaos, beauty in the brokenness.

We women, we tend to wear a mask, a facade that says we're okay, and in doing so we teach other women to pick up their masks, to pretend. What relief when we can peer through someone else's life enough to know that we are not alone, that others have struggled before us.

What if we could put all the masks down and just be real? What if we refused to pretend anymore?

Broken....but beautiful, our generation's heart-cry.

Psalm 34:18
If your heart is broken, you'll find God right there

Marriage Mondays: My Job, Your Job

2012-02-20T08:43:00.000-08:00

Every Monday I'll be joining The Runamuck and a host of other married bloggers in writing letters to our spouses. The hope is that by seeing people go after their marriages, you'll go after yours harder . Marriage is in fact hard, complicated, messy, terrifying, and absolutely heart wrenchingly beautiful. And it's worth fighting and writing for. This weeks theme is 'My Job, Your Job.'

My Dear Husband,

Yesterday you did all the laundry for me. You filled the dishwasher, wiped down the counter tops, and cleaned up the mess I'd made after baking 500 cake balls (which I promise to never do again.) This morning you made the bed, cleaned up our room, and took the dogs out, all before sitting down to shove a bowl of cereal in before work, and all because I'd accidentally slept in and you pitched in to get our morning routine done.

Ours is not a traditional relationship. You're a better cook then me and you certainly enjoy it more too for one. I work full time and so do you, and between the both of us the housework, meals, laundry, and pet duties (for two dogs and two cats) somehow gets done. I don't foresee being able to be a stay at home wife or mother in the near future and I love that you are okay with that. I love that you have embraced anything I've wanted to do or be. But this means that you've had to chip in with the 'unmanly' chores and responsibilities.....the cleaning, the sweeping, the laundry, the care-taking (for crazy nonna and my dad) and you're man enough to be okay with that.

In a lot of ways, you have it harder. You work hard and long at a job I know is not exactly you're dream, a place you don't feel appreciated, but you're diligent and faithful to give it your all both there and at home, and someday I know God's going to give you the job that makes you excited to go into work everyday. For now I'm just happy you're excited to come home to me, baking messes and all!

You are the most amazing partner I could have ever asked to be with on this crazy ride, you take on projects and responsibilities that are not necessarily "yours," never worrying about who's doing more, partnering with me to make our life run as smoothly (and sanely) as possible. As we move toward a family I know life will only get crazier, harder, and more complicated. I know there are things to over come, healing to be had, but I know that whatever comes our way, you're in this with me.

In our marriage I love that there is no "your job, my job" but simply "our job, our life."

I love you and am forever yours (cake balls or not),

Alex

Peter's Wife

2012-02-16T12:04:00.000-08:00

Matthew 8:14
Jesus Heals Many 14 When Jesus came into Peter’s house, he saw Peter’s mother-in-law lying in bed with a fever.

Peter and his brother Andrew were simple fisherman when He came calling, a rag tag beared man, a stranger. He'd heard prophesies about the Messiah, but this man in commoners robes seemed more like a humble priest than a King. But something was different about Him. There was kindness in His eyes and authority in His voice. When He spoke, Peter's heart felt like it had been set afire, tingling from head to toe. This man was somebody, somebody important.

We know that Peter was married because much later in the story Peter's mother-in-law is healed from a deadly fever. He likely had a wife and a family. Can you imagine the conversation that happened in their home that night?

"Honey I've got this amazing opportunity to be a part of something grand. This man, He's different. He makes me feel different just by speaking. He asked me to be a "fisher of men" and while I don't quite know what that means, I know I've got to be a part of this!"

Can't you just see the horrified look on her face? Her husband was asking her to pick up and leave everything she knew; her friends, her family, her way of living--- all of it---gone. And to what? To follow a man shrouded in mystery. Was he a holy man? A lunatic? A revolutionary genius? Or worse, another tyrant King. Israel didn't need another one of those....Rome was enough.

Peter's wife, who is by the way never named, had a decision to make. All she had to go on at first was her husband's urging. The internal struggle that came of that, I'm sure, was one of both trust and terror. But we know the ending. Peter went. He followed, and so it seems, did she.

This unnamed woman of faith, she gives me strength. Strength to know that God is bigger than common sense, bigger than my situation, and that sometimes what He asks me to do may be outside my comfort zone, but it's always with a bigger plan in mind. I can only fathom the things she saw and heard; people healed, raised from the dead, set free, her husband walking on water with Jesus ....would she have traded any of that to stay in that small fishing village?

I don't think so.

I'm sure Peter's wife could have wallowed in the way her life had turned out. Being the wife of an apostle had its drawbacks too, begging for food and shelter, without a permanent home, living off the generosity of others, and I'm sure there were days where she got left behind on the more dangerous trecks they took. But she stayed faithful and became not just Peter's wife, but Peter, the rock, the one on whom the foundation of the church would be laid. She got to watch her husband transform from follower to leader, from a doubter and denier to a man of utmost faith. She got to hear and watch him preach, teach, admonish, heal, and set free those in bondage.

Whatever we're facing, whatever we're asked to do, there's a bigger picture in mind, a plan for our lives and our marriages that's bigger and better than we ever could have thought. Peter's wife reminds us of the rewards that come from being faithful even when it's hard. Even when it's in the background. She's never named, her story line is silent, but in the end I don't think that mattered to her.

Her silent story gives me strength to carry out and be faithful when things are difficult for me. To hold on, fists-clenched and white-knuckled to the promises of God for me, for my marriage, for my husband, and for my family. To believe that the difficult times are part of a larger tapestry, the finished product of which I simply can't see yet.

2 Corinthians 1:20

For no matter how many promises God has made, they are “Yes” in Christ. And so through him the “Amen” is spoken by us to the glory of God.

Marriage Mondays: Dancing On (Patience)

2012-02-13T09:08:00.000-08:00

Every Monday I'll be joining The Runamuck and a host of other married bloggers in writing letters to our spouses. My hope in this is to join the race that is the whole "two become one" thing and to watch others who are in the running along with me. Marriage is hard, complicated, messy, terrifying, and beautiful. And it's worth fighting and writing for.

My love,

'Patience' is a fruit of the spirit that I struggle with. I always have. I'm a headstrong, face forward, trail blazer that doesn't always see room for that "p" word. Our whirlwind engagement and marriage says that you're all in with me in that way. You get me like nobody ever could. You know that I fight hard but love harder.

We're both stubborn. But stubborn isn't always a bad word is it? We both know that because without it you and I, this thing we're in may have been lost. Lost to bad choices and hot tempers. We could have been a statistic, but we kept on. I think stubbornness is just scrappy, grungy patience, patience with an edge to it, not kind or gentle, but grips you fiercely and won't let go. It's gotten us through those difficult first few years, years filled with both petty and substantial arguments. It's helped us through the mire, muck so deep we both felt the illustrious pull of anger and bitterness.

But stubborn can also be bad. This my love, this is where you are a marathon runner in the patience realm. Sometimes I hold onto the wrong things, and you have held on with me, watching me make choices that ended up putting others first and you last, and yet you stayed. You loved me despite those things. You didn't push or lecture. You watched, waited, and prayed. This kind of grace, your grace, I'm so grateful for. Your enduring patience changed me from the inside out and from the overflow, I'm able to give it back now. Now you need my patience and grace.

In the dance of marriage who can say who stepped on who's toe first? Was it me? Was it you? The glorious thing about our union is that it doesn't really matter because....

We dance on.

And I will dance with you until the end of time, and I'm confident in this, that you will dance on with me through it all, patiently, kindly, gracefully. The dance isn't always easy and the moves aren't always smooth, but I wouldn't trade the opportunity to do this thing with you for the world.

I am forever yours,

Alex

Find links to other marriage letters here. You can post your own and link back.

Guerilla Warfare

2012-02-10T08:37:00.000-08:00

She sits in the mirror silently touching the lines in her face, that sag under her eyes, the freckles she's loathed since she was little.

You're ugly. Nobody will ever love you. You are worthless.

He sits in the unemployment line contemplating what he'll tell his wife this time, how he'll meet the eyes of his two precious children when he gets home.

You have no purpose. You are nothing. You are useless. Give up now.

He finds himself once more at the computer screen. The women he looks at cannot love him back and he finds himself disgusted and helpless. He can't stop himself and with each look, he feels a piece of himself dying.

You are too messed up, you might as well keep going.

The enemy doesn't fight fair. He is not a front-lines-kind-of-guy, rather sticking to the shadows, darting in and out, a whispering cloud of cowardice.

And he's got his strategy down pat; take you out before you're even in the game, make you believe that you are worthless, coaxing you gently to lay down your will.

His tactics are not obvious. His voice sounds like your own. You would recognize an obvious affront so he stays hidden, slyly influencing.He prefers guerrilla warfare, hiding amongst your own thoughts, finding your weakness and attacking just there.

The thing about the enemy is that he has no real power except that which we give to him. He has no real authority lest we hand ours over. His only power is in tempting us to agree with him. He'll whisper lies, fabricate evidence to support them, and do all in his power to make you believe what you hear.

The battle we fight is the one that is waged in our minds, and for our hearts. This is the most important battle you will ever fight, and you're in it already whether you want to be or not. There is a war waging for you because your heart is that important. You are important, you matter, and you have a destiny that makes the enemy shake in his boots!

You are princes and princesses, daughters and sons, whose Father has already won the war.

All you need to do is remember who you are.

¹⁰ Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. ¹¹ Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. ¹² For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. ¹³ Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. ¹⁴ Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, ¹⁵ and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. ¹⁶ In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. ¹⁷ Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.
Ephesians Chapter 6

The Benefits of Social Media

2012-02-09T08:00:00.000-08:00

We're closer than we've ever been to each other. We can read blogs written in Cambodia, or receive tweets from Australia. We can keep up with friends near and far simply by checking their facebook. We can rally for causes like sex trafficking and garner awareness simply by suggesting a page to a friend. We are increasingly a global community, all thanks to social networking.

And yet countless sermons and articles have come out warning us about globalization, about social networking, and about the times we seem live in. Phrases like one world government and end time prophesies are being thrown about in both fear and hope. (I prefer the hope part)

I read an article the other day from a conservative Christian magazine demonizing social media as if it were in itself responsible for the downfall of civilization as we know it. I couldn't help but think that by following this theology, we're missing a great opportunity for God's Kingdom, opportunities to fulfill the Great Commission and to reach millions more with a click of a button.

1. Social Media gives us an opportunity to read and tell our stories. When it comes to learning, we tend to receive best through stories. The Old Testament is filled with stories of loss, love, and triumph. Our hearts rally to the cause of the hero and cheer on the underdog. We need each others stories of God's triumph in our lives, testimonies that God still works the same today that He did 2,000+ years ago.

2. It helps raise awareness. Thirty years ago people rallied for causes through protests and letters. Today we can help give a voice to the voiceless with simply a click of a button. One tweet or update can reach thousands (and even millions) more than any letter could have. Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute. Speak up and judge fairly; defend the rights of the poor and needy..(Proverbs 31:8-9, NIV).

3. It helps us know what to pray for. Voice of the Martyrs is an organization close to my heart as they spread awareness about those who suffer persecution. I can pray for a Pastor of an underground church in China, a Christian missionary in Afghanistan, a woman serving on a Mercy ship docked in Africa, or an imprisoned church member in Laos. Social media is one of the most often overlooked but valuable prayer tools available to us.

4. It gives us perspective. It's easy to get caught up in our own small worlds but when we hear about seven year olds trapped in the sex trade, or families surviving on less than $1 a day, or special needs children in India who are cast aside and abandoned.....you begin to realize that it's not all about you.

5. It gives us hope. Never before have we had access to so many testimonies, encouraging words, and teaching opportunities. God has gifted many Christian leaders with the ability to teach, uplift, and encourage us in just one sentence. It's like having a ring of virtual cheerleaders around us all the time, spurring us on to live the life God wants us to.

6. It helps us fulfill the Great Commission. There is no doubt in my mind that we sit on the precipice of what may be the "end times," because never before have we had the resources and tools to fulfill the Great Commission as we do right now. The world is getting smaller, and with these tools, our arms a little longer.

Let's put it this way... if God can use a donkey to fulfill His purposes, he can use Mark Zuckerberg and Jack Dorsey too. Social networking is an opportunity to reach out into a world we never could have touched before, if we use it wisely.

Trials

2012-02-03T15:28:00.000-08:00

James 1: 2Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. 4 Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

There are a lot of things I can find joy in; relationships, worship, teaching, art, books, friends, and food....but trials? That's just hard to get excited about.

It reminds me of my second grade teacher who tried desperately to help us find joy in chores. "You get the honor of cleaning the underside of the desks, isn't that exciting?" Needless to say, she was unable to capture our hearts with petrified gum, which is really just as exciting as trials. We all have them, we all suffer through them, but we aren't exactly joy-filled about them.

The kicker is this. God doesn't just say joy but pure joy! The word used here for joy is the Greek word "xara," which can also mean with gladness or rejoicing. Rejoice when you go through trials! Be glad! Be joyous!

How do we do that? How do we go through trials, tribulations, and persecution with joy not simply on our face, but in our hearts?

2 Corinthians 1 gives us a clue:

^8-11We don't want you in the dark, friends, about how hard it was when all this came down on us in Asia province. It was so bad we didn't think we were going to make it. We felt like we'd been sent to death row, that it was all over for us. As it turned out, it was the best thing that could have happened. Instead of trusting in our own strength or wits to get out of it, we were forced to trust God totally—not a bad idea since he's the God who raises the dead! And he did it, rescued us from certain doom. And he'll do it again, rescuing us as many times as we need rescuing. (MSG)

This is Paul's letter to the Church at Corinth, in which he describes a period of their stay in Asia that was difficult. Imprisonment and death followed them there and victory seemed impossible. But Paul tells them that instead of being the worst thing he'd experienced, it turned out to be the best, forcing him to rely on the Lord instead of himself. Did you hear the message in that? It isn't on us!

Maybe we could re-word this verse:

Rejoice when you go through trials of many kinds, because this is an opportunity to see God's power and favor and grow in faith and the love of Christ!

Trials are an opportunity to see God at work! Trials do not hinder God's work, but spur it along, because God always comes through. The battle is the Lord's.

Joseph stood on God's promise through slavery and slander, Isaac through sacrifice, Paul through imprisonment, ship wrecks, and torture, Daniel in the lion's den.....these men knew God, and knew the joy of stepping back and watching Him work.

Rest assured God can take our disappointment, our heart ache, our tears. Jesus wept. We're not talking about smiling through the dark valleys here. No fake facades! It's about that deeper joy, the one that resonates regardless of tears or laughter.

That joy that no one can take away, the joy of knowing the ending (victory) in the beginning.

Psalm 45:15 They are led in with joy and gladness. They enter the palace of the king.

::Comparison:: The joy thief

2012-01-26T19:27:00.000-08:00

In middle school all the girls were wearing steel toed Doc Martens and colored ribbons tied in their hair. And yes, together. It was like prepster meets grunge and it was all the rage. I on the other hand lacked these wardrobe essentials, at least for this year. Doc Martens were expensive and impractical to an adolescent school girl and my parents didn't think they were a necessity unless they finally cashed in on their threats to send me to military school.

But girls are cruel, especially at that age. I got teased for my lack of proper footwear and hair adornments, among other things. I tried to fit in, buying Doc Marten knockoffs, wearing scantily tied ribbons, and even spray tanning (my white skin had an aversion to turning brown naturally..it rather preferred red), but all that ever came of it was the "orange" disaster of 1998 that I'd still rather not talk about.

I got the message that year loud and clear. Being me just isn't good enough.

I spent the better part of the next ten years comparing myself to every girl I met, torturing myself with the "is-she's." Is she better than me? Is she prettier than me? Is she smarter than me?

And then one day, God whacked me out of my misery.

There will always be someone better than you.

Okay...ouch. This wasn't turning in to the pep talk I'd hoped for and I wasn't sure where it was going.

There will always be someone better than you, if you continue to believe there IS a better...

Uh....**confused look**

Who decides what's better or not?

Huh. Good question. Was it the girls in school? The ones in the magazines with adobe as their secret weapon? The men gawking at those magazines? Was it my parents, or their parents, or other people's parents? Or some fashion designer (whose name I can't quite pronounce)?

The more I thought about it, the more I realized that God doesn't like cookie cutter creatures. Nature attests to this. There are literally millions of different organisms on planet Earth, each of them unique from bacteria to birds. No, this God loves diversity.

So why was I striving for uniformity?

Comparison is a thief, particularly of two things; time and joy. Wasted moments and missed opportunities lie in it's path. How much time (and head space) is spent on thoughts about others? How many opportunities are missed as we focus on other's journeys instead of our own? And how much joy is stolen at thinking about those who may (or may not be) "better" than us?

Jeremiah 18:4, Isaiah 45:9, and Isaiah 29:16 speak of God as potter and of us as clay, pottery shards, fancified mud! Any potter will tell you that there is no bowl, pot, or vase that is exactly alike and yet they are all crafted from the same loving artist.

How silly that we think we could be the judge of good or bad, better or worse! How foolish to think that we can make a judgement about someone else's life without really knowing them at all. If we knew, if we really knew someone else's life, would we trade with them? I don't think so. And how senseless to think that we, the clay, could tell the Potter His work is sub-parr...at least on this particular vessel.

Comparison is a thief and a liar, one that will continue to rob us daily of joy, time, focus, and most importantly truth. The truth is that you were created with love, carefully, for a purpose. Best of all, you are one-of-a-kind, and you also have a one-of-a-kind journey. One laid out just and only for you. If you focus on other's accomplishments and turn your eye to their journey, you may just risk missing your own.

Don't let comparison steal one more thing from you. Don't believe the lie that being you isn't good enough. In fact being "you" is the ultimate goal!

And please, don't use those self tanning lotions or sprays. Trust me on that one. ;-)

When God is not a gentleman...

2012-01-19T16:45:00.000-08:00

Religion is man searching for God, Christianity is God searching for Man.

~Jefferson Bethke

In bible college I chose to attend probably the most charismatic of churches I'd ever been to. 'Slain in the spirit' and 'speaking in tongues' (loudly I might add) were always part of the service, but for those too timid, or simply downright terrified, our Pastor had a saying; God is a gentleman. It was his way of saying 'don't worry, He won't make you do anything you're uncomfortable with.'

So, for a long time I pictured a kindly old man, wise but soft spoken. If you walked away from Him, He simply waited,where He always had been, like the Father in the prodigal son story. I liked this God. I needed gentle. My war torn heart cried out for a Father who wasn't pushy.

But as my heart healed I noticed something, small at first, but important none-the-less. It happened at a time in my life where I was running from something God had called me to. I knew He'd called me to it, but I didn't want to deal with it. I didn't want to hear about it. And so, in stubborn fashion I ignored the softly spoken invitations. But God didn't stop there. People gave me prophetic words, asked about it, and I began to see it everywhere. (He seems to deal with me alot like this! )

God was not going to let me run this time.

When you read the Song of Songs you get a very different view of God. A God who pursues us relentlessly. This isn't the wise old man waiting patiently in the background. This is a radical, trail blazing, heart pursuing God who doesn't give up on His creation!

Song of Songs 2:14 My dove in the clefts of the rock, in
the hiding places on the mountainside, show me your face, let
me hear your voice; for your voice is sweet, and your face is
lovely. 15 Catch for us the foxes, the little foxes that ruin
the vineyards, our vineyards that are in bloom.

My stubborness needs this God, the one that conks me on the head over and over until I see the light, who continues to speak when I won't listen. This is a God who isn't a gentleman in the traditional sense of the word. This is a Radical Lover who never leaves me in my muck!

This is what I love most about God, His multi-facetedness. You cannot put Him in a box, nor pigeon hole His character. His is this and that, and everything in between because He deals with each of us as individiuals. He knows our strengths, our weaknesses, and our hang-ups, and He pursues each of us differently because of that.

He is a gentleman, He is a zelous and wild lover, and yet He is so much more, calling each one of us into a relationship with Him that promises to be anything but boring.

More than my mistakes...

2012-01-12T08:10:00.000-08:00

"Whatcha thinkin' about?" My husband eyed me patiently.

"Nothing." But that wasn't true. I sat on the top of the stairs in our new apartment, thoughts swirling around in my head, tears just on the verge of spilling over.

In fact that nothing that was something, was actually something big. I just couldn't quite put it into words. From 2009 to this January my husband and I had become full-time caregivers (on top of full-time work) to my grandmother. We'd tried our best to help her rehabilitate, but that was just one of my motives. I wanted our relationship rehabilitated too.

My Nonna is a great woman, but our relationship was almost always strained. Her blunt comments pierced my tiny sensitive heart as a child. There were labels that came out of that (fat, unworthy) and wounds that gaped open for years. Secretly, the little girl in me felt that if I could become 'of use' to her, maybe, just maybe, I'd finally please her.

In November of 2011 it became clear that not only could I not please her, but it simply wasn't my job too. And yet, I couldn't help this nagging feeling inside that I'd somehow failed both myself and her by leaving. She was healthy enough now to live on her own with help from other family members, but I still felt guilty. Guilty that I couldn't mend our relationship, guilty of not being able to let go, guilty of feeling like I'd wasted two years of mine, but worse, my husband's time. My perceived mistakes were haunting me, taunting me, and making me miserable.

But that still small voice whispered gently:

You are not your mistakes....

Right, God. I get it...nothing but the blood.

No, YOU are not you're mistakes. You are not your issues. You are mine.

Tears flowed down my cheeks now as I finally understood what He was telling me. That my identity had nothing to do with what I did (or did not) do, and everything to do with Him. My one New Year's Resolution had been to love God more, and as a result, people. It had never occurred to me that I had to love, forgive, and give grace to myself first. Or rather, accept the love, forgivness, and grace I've been given by the One that matters most.

I'm committed to giving others second chances and standing with People of The Second Chance to do so, but this year, I'm finally giving one to myself.

Because He says I'm worth it.

Why I love my church....

2012-01-05T07:00:00.000-08:00

Last night I watched as Glenn Beck (a Mormon) opened for our own Pastor Robert Morris on the last night of our "First Under God" Conference. Gateway is an evangelical, non-denominational church but make no mistake--while the slogan is "we're all about people," we're also all about truth too. Week after week Pastor Robert preaches challenging sermons, the first to draw a line in the sand.

And yet Pastor Robert chose a self proclaimed Mormon to speak at our pulpit, a pulpit that has 20,000 members in our regular weekend services, at a conference that had even more viewers through live broadcasting and DayStar TV. And if there was any question about his affiliation, his speech confirmed that with references to the Mormon tabernacle choir and his baptism into the Mormon church.

It wasn't an hour later that the criticisms hit twitter, facebook, and the local water cooler. Questions flooded in from concerned members and viewers alike. Is Glenn Beck really a Christian? Was his speech sincere? Is the Jesus he knows, the same one we believe in? What is Gateway's affiliation with the Mormon Church? Is Gateway endorsing the Mormon Church? What kind of message does this send about absolute truth? What message did Mormons who came to hear Glenn Beck come away with?

Valid concerns, all of them. But really, not the point.

What we witnessed last night is something rare in our world. So rare in fact, that when we do see it, we don't always recognize what it is. Two men stood in front of us of differing viewpoints, calling themselves friends devoid of any ulterior motives other than love. Because of this love and respect, they can disagree and still come away feeling that same brotherly love they started out with.

People are no longer taught how to lovingly disagree with others while holding their own beliefs true. Others go the opposite direction, confusing tolerance with love and grace. What we see in the media and even in our own churches is division and judgment. The church itself has split off into hundreds of denominations, disagreeing on doctrines both big and small, all in the name of being 'right'. It is a rare person now that can do what they have done, who can have friends of differing viewpoints and faiths, and still show them love, respect, and honor.

We need to recognize that hearts will not be won for Christ through legalistic debate, condemnation, or hate. No, hearts are only won through sharing the love and grace Christ has for us with each another.

Last night one man invited another, giving him the highest honor he could, to speak to his congregation. He did so knowing full well that he would be scrutinized, but I can only fathom a guess, that he believed that his friend's soul was worth it. This other man accepted that honor, and in doing so knew I'm sure of the criticism he would receive on the other end. What both men did, that is radical grace and love.

Who can know a man's heart? Who can see behind the scenes to conversations held in private? Who can say who knows our Lord or not? And in embracing a man in love are we condoning a whole sect? These are questions to me, better left to God. Our job is simply to show His love and through it, the truth.

That's what happened last night. It doesn't mean anyone bent the truth, crossed a line, or decided to endorse a whole other faith. It means we believe in the love and grace we've been shown so much, that we're committed to showing it to others.

In our church, all are welcome.

And that's exactly why I love it.

Why I don't have any New Year's resolutions...

2011-12-31T12:38:00.000-08:00

The last two weeks of the year are tricky for most of us.

First there's Christmas and all goodies that come with it; sugar, cookies, cakes (and did I mention more sugar). We gorge ourselves in celebration and then December 26th we vow that on January 1st we'll be better, do better, accomplish whatever it is that we put off, and try to lose the cookie weight we gained during our feasting. In a last-chance-hurrah we try to eat all the sugary substances still lurking in the cabinets because come New Years Day, that'll be history.

But then come work again, things get busy, and that weight you wanted to lose, that book you were meaning to write, that goal to get up extra early for quiet time--- that all goes to hell, excuse the expression.

Someone once said the "definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result." We set ourselves up year after year to do this same dance, and then feel all the more awful afterward. Resolutions are more like re-solutions, our way of trying with all our own mite to solve our own problems, but often our solutions to the problem are worse than the problem itself.

So this year I'm done.

I don't want to focus on my problems. I don't want to focus on striving for one more thing to add to my schedule.

This year my anti-resolution list has one thing on it: Love. I want to continue to fall immeasurably and hopelessly in love with God and others.

I want to run right into His arms and rest there, soaking up love and pouring back out.

I want to live in the moment, knowing every one of them is precious.

I want to dance without caring that I have two left feet just because I can, preferably in the rain!

I want to sit in total silence and hear the world around me.

I want to sit in front of sweet friends and soak up the uniqueness they each possess.

I want to become whatever it is that God wants me to be.

I want to lay down my will for His, because His always works out better than mine.

I don't want to strive one more second for things that aren't valuable because I don't need anything more than I need Him.

I want to put down my to do list and never (or at least not for a good long while) pick it back up.

I want to learn to give myself Grace, so that I can give it to others.

This year, more than anything, I want to put the first things first, knowing all second things will come together if I do.

Won't you join me?

But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

Matthew 6:33

What Isaac Newton Can Teach us About God...

2011-12-28T08:37:00.000-08:00

Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them.

Matthew 5:17

It was a nice spring day when Isaac Newton, probably not quite a Sir yet, was sitting underneath an apple tree observing nature. A ripe apple fell from the tree, the story goes, and thus was his inspiration for what he would go on to call "The Law of Gravity." The phrase the Law in this case does not refer to a man-made moral tenant. The Law here refers to something that is undeniably true about our world. If you fall, you will come down...fact. You cannot break the Law of Gravity although it can quite literally break you. Just like any law of science, it does not speak of something that can be broken, but about something true.

When we think of God's Laws, especially in the Old Testament, we think of them as we would our own societal laws---that they can be bent, broken, and manipulated to our benefit or demise. But when God speaks about His laws, He is not giving us something arbitrary to obey or test our will. He is telling us something that's true about our surroundings. The ten commandments weren't given to us as a burden to bare, but as a map to navigate how to live life here.

If we look at the ten commandments with this lens, we might interpret them this way:

1 “You shall have no other gods before me. I am the truth and the life. You can try to find life other places but nobody can give you what I can, and I want the very best for you. (John 14:6)

2 “You shall not make for yourself an image in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below. Pursue what is true, not what is fake. Those things may make you feel better short term, but that cannot give lasting fulfillment. (Matthew 8:22) 5 You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the parents to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, 6 but showing love to a thousand generations of those who love me and keep my commandments.Sin is cyclical, it circles around and is passed down through the generations, each generation teaching the other. Life can be passed on to, each generation teaching the other to find it. You choose your own legacy.

3 “You shall not misuse the name of the LORD your God, for the LORD will not hold anyone guiltless who misuses his name. If you misues My Name, you don't really know Me. If you did, you would respect and love the name of the One who gives life. I want a relationship with you! (see Song of Solomon)

4 “Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy. 9 Six days you shall labor and do all your work, 10 but the seventh day is a sabbath to the LORD your God. On it you shall not do any work, neither you, nor your son or daughter, nor your male or female servant, nor your animals, nor any foreigner residing in your towns. 11 For in six days the LORD made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and all that is in them, but he rested on the seventh day. Therefore the LORD blessed the Sabbath day and made it holy. I care about your spiritual, physical, emotional, and mental health and I am telling you, if you deny your body, soul, and spirit the rest it needs, it will be detrimental.(Ps.62:1-2)

5 “Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you. While your parents are far from perfect, they are my children also. Love them, and honor them. If you do not, you may find yourself alone and miserable. Whatever your parents have done, to withold forgiveness and honor is not just hurting them, its hurting you. I don't want that for you. (James 3:14-15)

6 “You shall not murder. Everyone, great or small, rich or poor, righteous or evil, I care about. You are all my children, and to kill one of them is to hurt Me and yourself. To be responsible for the death of another is a burden I never ever want you to carry.

7 “You shall not commit adultery. When you married you came into a covenant relationship. When you dishonor that relationship by sexually sinning, you are not only hurting your spouse, but yourself. Sex is like glue. You cannot keep taking it off and sticking it on somewhere else. If you do, there will come a time when there is nothing left. You will have given yourself away in pieces and find yourself broken. I don't want that for you. (1 Corinthians 6:18)

8 “You shall not steal. I have provided abundantly for you. I am Jehovah Jirah, the God who provides. Find your source in Me. If you do, there is no need to steal.(Matthew 6:25-34)

9 “You shall not give false testimony against your neighbor. Lying is not only harmful to those around you, but to yourself. It can damage your character and your reputation, and one lie ends up feeding into others, and there may come a day where you lie so often you don't know what the truth is yourself. I don't want that for you.(Proverbs 12:19)

10 “You shall not covet your neighbor’s house. You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or his male or female servant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor.” Everyone has their own journey to take with Me. Don't look at what your neighbor has. Look to Me for your provision, security, and identity. I know what is absolutely best for you. There will always be someone who has more than you do and focusing on it may have you pining the rest of your life for "things" that don't really provide true life. I don't want that for you, I know where that road leads. Learn to find satisfaction and happiness in the life I've provided you.

His Laws are not in an effort to keep us from fun or entertainment nor are they akin to our own laws. God is not a God who withholds good things from His children, nor is He sadistic or legalistic in His pursuit to get us to "obey" some arbitrary laws, it's simply that He knows what will happen if we violate the Laws He's set forth. Like the Law of Gravity, you cannot break His Laws, nor can they be bent or manipulated for our purposes without consequences.

And while the presence of the God-Man did not change God's Laws, it changed our ability to relate to them, to God and to the world around us. So when He says He came, not to abolish the law but to fulfill it, it makes sense. He did not come to abolish the law--no, far from it. He came to literally fulfill them, to re-established the connection we lost that fateful day in the Garden. To give us the ability to live.

Guest Post: The Porn Trap

2011-12-27T12:03:00.001-08:00

Today's guest writer, Amy, is a precious "far away" friend that I met first through the blogosphere and then in real life as she and her husband came to our inner healing conference at Gateway Church. She and her husband are passionate about helping others find the freedom in Christ He came to give us and have helped start their own Freedom Ministry at their church in Pennsylvania. She writes at Walking in Freedom, where her transparency in her own struggles opens the doors for honest conversations about this journey we're all on. Below is an example of her sincere desire to help others walk through things she herself has struggled with.

Pornography.

It's a subject that's normally looked at as a man’s problem. You won't hear much about women who are tempted by or addicted to porn, and while Pornography is such a taboo subject within the church, women being tempted by it seems even more so. More than likely you know a woman who secretly deals with this addiction. Maybe you are one of those women. There are many women striving to follow Jesus who are trapped in the web of pornography and I was once one of them.

A few years back, I found myself trapped in a porn addiction. I was trying everything I could to break free from it, but I just couldn’t. I didn’t know how to. I kept trying and failing. I was following Jesus the best I knew how at the time, but what I didn’t realize was that I truly could not follow Jesus and be looking at porn at the same time (duh!), even if I was trying to stop.

So, how did this happen?

Before I committed my life to Christ, my former husband would rent porn movies, and I unfortunately started watching them with him. 1 Cor. 6:18 says that when you commit a sexual sin, you are committing a sin against your own body. I have experienced the unfortunate truth of this scripture firsthand. I somehow thought it was harmless, not realizing that I was doing damage both to myself and affecting my future in countless ways.

Years later, I gave my life to Christ and married Kevin. Somewhere along the way, I found myself looking at porn online. I was trapped. Despite how degrading porn is towards women, I found myself thinking about it all the time. I didn't know what to do, and I didn't think I could ever tell anyone. I felt so much guilt and shame, crushed under the weight of this secret I was hiding from everyone, especially my husband. I obviously knew God was aware of what was going on, but I just continued each day as if He didn’t. I wanted help, but I just felt too much shame and embarrassment to approach Him.

I have since found that that I am not alone in my former struggle-- up to 17% of those addicted to porn are women. Many of these women are Christians, too. I always thought I was the only one. Part of this trap for women consists of thinking you’re alone in your struggles. If you are caught up in this web of addiction, let me tell you that you are not alone, not even close!

Some women start looking at pornography because of an unmet emotional need. Others look for an escape from their daily lives, or use it to numb themselves from emotional pain. After a while, the reason they started turns into something entirely different and becomes a horrific trap. For me, it started from a place of wanting so desperately to feel some kind of intimacy and while it was false intimacy, it was as close as I could come to feeling the real thing. I didn’t know what true intimacy was.

A huge component of porn is fantasy. It wasn’t until I stopped looking at all the porn that God slowly started to reveal to me the world of sexual fantasy that I had built up in my mind. I honestly didn’t realize how bad it was until God started putting His spotlight on these lustful thoughts I was continually having.

If you are married, or maybe one day will be, let me tell you that this is a huge intimacy killer in a marriage! Not lusting over or fantasizing about someone other than your spouse seems obvious, but for someone who is (or was) trapped in pornography, this is a stronghold that needs to be torn down in order to become sexually whole.

This is not an overnight process, but one that can be completed with God’s help! I am living proof! Once I started to deal with the state of my heart, and all of the junk in it, my compulsion to look at pornography started to subside.

I have not done it perfectly but I am now seeking Jesus for true intimacy and connection, not some ridiculous fantasy I have built up in my mind. Intimacy with Jesus is something that I’m just starting to really experience, and it’s awesome! There’s nothing like it! Pursue intimacy with Him, even if you don’t know exactly what that may look like…and you will be able to tap into something that is much better than any porn “high” can give you.

So, do I still deal with the temptation to look at pornography? Rarely, but I have to be very careful to guard my heart with what I see online and what I think about. This comes as second nature now, but I’ve noticed if I’m feeling particularly lonely, overwhelmed or bored, I need to guard my heart just that much more.

Maybe you're reading this, and you are trapped in the web of pornography. I call it a web, because once you start it's so easy to get tangled up in it, unable to get out - despite your best efforts and desire to stop. I encourage you to confess this to someone, to reach out. When sins are no longer hidden, the power they have over you starts to subside. Talk to your pastor, Christian counselor or mature a Christian friend if you're able to. Sometimes it's even easier to talk with someone you don't know as well like a trained counselor.

God loves you and will help you make the necessary changes in your life. Talk to Him about your struggles. He already knows about them, anyway! He’s not looking at you and pointing His finger. God does not expect perfection from us, but He does expect us to follow Him and turn our back on sin. Don’t let shame, fear, guilt and condemnation keep you in bondage.

There is no mess or bondage in your life that is too big for Him to fix. It’s not too late for you! He’s holding His arms out to you and waiting for you to turn this over to Him. Don’t wait one more day. Freedom is just around the corner, if you're willing to take the journey!

_________________________________________________________________

Some statistics about women and pornography:

* 17% of all women struggle with porn addiction

* 1 of 3 visitors to all adult websites are women

* 9.4 million women access adult websites every month

From the Internet Filter Review

Grace for the Grinch

2011-12-22T12:14:00.001-08:00

People of the Second Chance posts topic blogs on who we'd give a second chance to. It's a radical movement on giving grace to those that may not necessarily deserve it (who does?) But this post is altogether different because...

Today I'm the Grinch who needs grace.

It'd been a long morning and my lunch break was spent fighting the traffic and lines to get to the Post Office and buy a few small presents more for Christmas. I needed lunch so I stopped at a sandwhich place

The line was long and clearly they were swamped. The workers rushed around and I stood at the counter five minutes (at least it seemed like five minutes) before anyone noticed me to take my order. *Huff* Annoyed I spouted what I wanted to the timid worker who wished me a "Happy Holidays," rolling my eyes as I complained about the wait.

Twenty minutes went by (this time I timed it) as I sat waiting for my to-go order. I noticed two workers on lunch break, casually chatting away as eight or nine other customers looked just as grinchy as me, clearly frustrated at the wait.

Finally, I snapped. I went to the store manager and proceeded to, in no uncertain terms, point out his two workers on break, and the eight angry customers (besides me) and demanded that I either get my sandwhich or he make it free.

Yah, not my best moment.

My grinchyness started a chain reaction and two other customers also demanded their order or a refund. Then two more, until that poor manager looked like he was going to cry.

Was that really necessary??

That God-voice, the one that convicts got to me. As I paid for my sandwhich I apologized to the manager for what I'd said. I told him I knew they were busy and understood his position. He of course said it was fine, but I sure didn't feel fine. I felt awful for what I'd done, and at the same time thankful for God's grace in the moment.

Driving back, the traffic was just as bad, if not worse and my nerves were still on edge. A driver cut me off, my bumper almost grazing his. But I wasn't going to keep giving in to my frustration. Instead I waved. I smiled. I carried on.

Grace.

Ephesians 4:32 (The Message) Make a clean break with all cutting, backbiting, and profane talk. Be gentle with one another, sensitive. Forgive one another as quickly and thoroughly as God in Christ forgave you.

The People who walk in darkness...

2011-12-21T08:41:00.001-08:00

Deep in the caves of the Dinaric karst of Southern Europe lives a wonderous creature. Rarely seen by the human eye, it's known as the Slovenian or the "white" saladmander. It dwells in the underground waters that flow from Italy through Slovenia and Croatia, surviving on whatever small creatures come its way. It lives in complete darkness but has paid a dear price for the ability to thrive there....it's sight. It takes generations for an adaption like this to develop, each generation growing more and more accustomed to the darkness. Each generation losing more of it's ability to see, until eventually, there is no need for eyes at all.

Adam and Eve lived in a world where they saw things in a way that seems foreign to us now. They walked and talked with the Lord Himself (can you even imagine, they "saw" God in a tangible reach-out-and-touch-Him way), they saw "life" growing on trees, those intangible spiritual concepts were able to be recognized by their senses.....their world looked much different than the one we live in now. But their choice to eat of the tree of knowledge of good and evil changed all of that, and not just for the reasons we think.

They disobeyed God, but their choice goes much deeper than that. It was a choice between worlds, to dwell in knowledge rather than life, to rely on what we know in the natural , and to live in spiritual darkness. No longer could they see life growing on trees, or see and talk with the Creator of the Universe. They were banished not just from the Garden, but from a way of seeing and interacting with the world.

Darkness spread. From generation to generation our spiritual sight dwindled until there was no need for eyes at all. We grew accustomed to the darkness until we could no longer remember the light.

But God had a plan, mercy for a dark and hurting world in the form of a tiny baby boy, born through blood and dirt in a tiny cave by a scared teenage mother. God in human form, crying in a manager; the child who would eventually lead the battlecry back into the light.

In life he healed the physically blind, and challenged the modern day perceptions of the world, challenging all to think differently. In dying He took our punishment and then conquered death itself, making it possible for us to do so too.

Born-again is not just a Christianese term for those who believe in Jesus. It's a choice, to stop living by knowledge and choose life. It's a re-birth into a whole new world. It's a shift in how we view and interact with everything around us, a step back into the light to regain our sight.

That's the point to the Christmas story. It's the beginning of an epic saga that changed the world, and it's still happening all around us. We just have to look and see.

The people who walk in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of deep darkness a light has dawned.
Isaiah 9: 2

What's wrong with me?

2011-12-15T16:08:00.000-08:00

The truth is, your emotions will not lie to you. Your emotions will, in fact, always tell you the truth about what you believe.

~Bob Hamp

It started at 3am. I woke up in a panic, thoughts swirling in my head. They were nasty, mean thoughts; You're ugly, you're worthless, you can't do anything right! They came so fast I could barely brace myself through the wave of despair and hopelessness that seemed to encompass me there in my bed. Prayer helped and eventually the thoughts and the heavy feelings passed.

But the aftermath was worse. I felt..... condemned. I was a Christian, filled by His presence and yet I had felt this wave of heavy thoughts. What was wrong with me? What was wrong with my faith? How could I feel this way? Was this an attack of the enemy? Was I simply mental?

These were the questions I took to a trusted friend. As I described my feelings and the condemnation I felt, she looked at me kindly and simply said, "Every emotion has a purpose."

Well, huh. I'd never really thought about it that way.

My first reaction was to blame. Blame myself. Blame the enemy. But I never stopped to ask myself or God why I might be feeling this way. So, that's what we did, my friend and I. We asked God and shock of all shockers? He had an answer.

Emotions are like that pain in your knee that you can't seem to get rid of. That pain tells you "Danger! Danger! There's something wrong here!" Your body is warning you that all is not well.

Your emotions in turn do a similar service. They are the warning device that tells you all is not well with your soul. Instead of turning towards blame or a coping mechanism, we can turn to God for a little heart surgery. Turning to God can help us demolish strongholds and lies that we've come to believe and instill the truth about how He sees us.

So next time you're feeling something, instead of asking yourself "What's wrong with me?" remember to stop, pause, and listen to your emotions because they are a road sign saying "Danger! Trouble ahead!"

Then simply take them to the One Person who can help you sort it all out.

Love Covers

2011-12-08T15:07:00.000-08:00

Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.

1 Peter 4:8

Rock, Paper, Scissors! 1,2,3-Ha! I win!

What? Why?! That's not fair!

Paper always covers rock, duuuh!

I didn't get it. I was eight and all my reasoning said that paper was flimsy, prone to tearing, and certainly less sturdy than a piece of stone. Stone totally trumped paper, that was just common sense!

Much later, at 22 to be exact, I heard a sermon on love and forgiveness. It was about Noah and his drunkenness, about his nakedness, about his vulnerability. His son Canaan had come in to discover his father disheveled and indecent, and while his elder two brothers covered his father, Canaan took the opportunity to shame him. Noah's elder son's love covered his nakedness, while Canaan's hate only succeeded in exposing his own heart.

Like paper, love is an unlikely underdog to sin. The world says that love cannot cover greed, hate, ignorance, infidelity, abuse, racism, or even murder. It seems arbitrary and idealistic. The world would tell us that love cannot make those things disappear, but it's the only thing that can.

To love someone who has or may hurt you is risky. It's bold. It's radical. But it's the only way to move forward. Withholding love doesn't say something about the person, it says something about you. Withholding love means entertaining malice, and that's like drinking poison and expecting the other person to get sick. What was in Canaan's heart-hate, anger, bitterness- only hurt himself, and while Noah's sin left him exposed and naked, Canaan's actions exposed the deep ugly parts that lay still inside his heart.

We're asked to cover one another in love, not to keep things hidden, but because we are called to acknowledge the best. That is love. Noah's indiscretion did not speak to who he really was. It was a fact, yes, that he'd been found drunk and naked, but the truth was that Noah was a man of God who had over and over again shown his faithfulness. Noah was not the sum total of his sins.

When we love someone we choose two things; to call out and believe the best in someone, and to reject the right to judge them. Both are for theirs and our own benefit. Judgement is meant to come from God, not us. Judgement, in human hands, makes us hard-hearted and bitter. By loving others, we lay down that judgement. Judgement is a heavy burden to bear. Love frees us from the bondage of thinking that we are in control.

Jesus said His yoke is easy and His burden, light. Today, I believe Him. Do you?

Who do you need to cover in love today? What judgments do you need to let go of? Who needs the cover of love and grace in your life?

The People Pleaser Stronghold

2011-11-24T10:00:00.000-08:00

Hi, my name is Alex, and I'm a people pleaser.

It started out innocently enough. The need to gain approval, to be loved, things all children long for. But it quickly spiraled into caring, with great significance, what people thought about me.

My identity became rooted in who liked me and who did not. I accepted what others saw in me. I was who everyone else said I was. Good or bad, those became the voices in my head.

I did things, not out of love and kindness, but out of obligation. Out of my need to be approved, and it made me bitter and resentful.

I took responsibility for things that weren't mine. I became the Savior. I would save everyone, then they'd like me more. But being the Savior is exhausting.

And it certainly wasn't in love. It was out of my need for love.

When I thought necessary, I lied. I made up realities to find and gain approval, ones that had no root in the truth.

And I constructed a world around me that was based on my lens for love. I saw people through it, not as people to love, but as people who should love me. People became my pawns in a game of neediness that had no end.

And in that game, people got hurt, intentionally or not.

I hurt myself.

Using people as my source for anything was disappointing. I walked away every time feeling like less of a person than when I'd begun. People pleasing was my stronghold, my drug of choice, my coping mechanism. People became my source for identity, love, and security.

But God.

He's speaking to my heart and to the lies that I believe. That He is meant to be my source of comfort, love, and security. That with Him there is no obligation or task that I can do to make Him love me more, for He cannot love me less. His yoke is easy, His burden light. There are no strings attached to His approval or love.

He loves me for who I am, not what I do.

To live in a world where I don't strive for approval, where I can set healthy boundaries without fear, these concepts are foreign and hard for me. But that makes them none-the-less true.

I am learning a new normal, a new reality, and it's step by step. I am an infant in this way. But I do trust Him. I trust Him to lead me when and where I'm ready to go. And I find that as I go, as I brave the outside world, the one that's scary and new that it suites me. The cage I had placed around myself seems smaller and uglier, and this world, the one where God gives me my identity seems all the more desirable.

In a way, I am grateful for this new place. This valley that seems scary and exhilarating. That God would not condemn me to live a life in the place the I built for myself, but the place He has for me.

A new way to see, to live, and to love.

Ralph Waldo Emerson
People only see what they are prepared to see

The Value of Transparency...

2011-11-22T09:09:00.001-08:00

James 5:16 Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.

I was recently at a girls' night when a long time friend started to talk about her relationship with her spouse. She was candid, she was honest, she was transparent. She talked with ease about her struggles just as if she was talking about the weather.

At first I was shocked, not necessarily because it was private, but because she seemed to be so relaxed. I thought to myself, wasn't she worried what others would think?

I stopped for a second, shocked that had been my first reaction. Something in me balked at the honesty of others. While it was refreshing, it also made me feel naked and exposed. It made me uncomfortable.

Somewhere along the way, I started to live my life in the guilt, shame, and loneliness that can overcome those who are struggling and I began to believe that I was the only one going through this. I'd bought it hook, line, and sinker and I'd let myself be dragged into a world of masks and lies. I'd tried to put on a facade of perfection and it was getting harder and harder to keep on.

My friend's transparency helped me unravel a lie I'd believed. She reminded me that it's okay, even better, to be honest. She reminded me that there is value in transparency.

What if we all decided to take off our masks and get real with each other?What if we stopped striving to look perfect?

What would it look like to boldly and courageously declare that we all struggle and could speak easily about it?

I think if we could all cast aside the masks and facades we wear we'd give others permission to do the same, to be real, to struggle openly, and to find healing.

That's the real heart of the Gospel. We're all equally messed up and need His grace, and that my friends is a beautiful thing.

Animal Behavior

2011-11-20T13:15:00.000-08:00

I love People of the Second Chance for a so many reasons but mainly because they are revolutionizing the way we think about the word 'grace.' Grace is undeserved mercy and unmerited favor. Grace is a second chance, another stab at life despite your previous actions, and the POTSC know it!

Animal is one of my favorite Muppets. I mean he's cute and fuzzy, but underneath that two feet of darling is a monster. He's rude, curt, uncouth, unnecessarily blunt, and just plain odd. We all have Animals like that in our lives. The boss with the bad temper, the husband who ignores you, the co-worker with the potty mouth, the needy friend, that woman at the cash register that was rude to you for no apparent reason. We all have them, and I don't know about you but sometimes I just want to close my eyes and wish them away and then I hear this whisper...

You have your 'Animal' moments too.....

Ouch. He's right though, I do. I've found myself angry and lashing out at those closest to me, annoyed and irritated with people at work, snapping at the nice cashier, hassling the waiter who I think is taking too long...I've got my moments.

1 Corinthians 6:9-11Don't you realize that this is not the way to live? Unjust people who don't care about God will not be joining in his kingdom. Those who use and abuse each other, use and abuse sex, use and abuse the earth and everything in it, don't qualify as citizens in God's kingdom. A number of you know from experience what I'm talking about, for not so long ago you were on that list.

Guilty as charged. Thank goodness the verse goes on...

Since then, you've been cleaned up and given a fresh start by Jesus, our Master, our Messiah, and by our God present in us, the Spirit.

In a dorm room in Boston, God gave me, an angry, lonely, confused girl a second chance at life. He gave me grace and for every 'animal' moment that still resides within me, He covers that too. What message do we send about God to our "animals" if we simply walk away? If we condemn? If we withhold the grace He so freely gives to us?

Can you give the 'animals' in your life a second chance? Join the revolution here..

Matthew 10:8 Freely you have received; freely give.

A letter to Penn State

2011-11-11T17:09:00.000-08:00

Dear Penn State,

I get it. A man you respected and loved committed a great wrong and is now finally reaping the consequences. You're confused, you're angry, you're shocked. In fact, what you're going through is relatively normal. You're grieving and the first stage of that is shock and denial. It's common to want to overlook the wrong. To pretend it didn't happen. You want to rally beside Paterno because the truth that he could have stopped dozens of boys' lives from being ruined is a truth too great to associate with the man you love.

Next there's anger. You've clearly shown the world your anger, but it was misdirected. Instead of being angry on behalf of the victims, the boys who suffered the consequences of Paterno and McQuery's silence (not too mention the actual perpetrator), you directed it at everyone else. You turned over cars, you broke windows, you shouted and you screamed but for what?

You rallied behind Paterno and turned him into the victim, casting aside the boys, now men, who suffered the abuse, and in the process you sent a message to abuse victims everywhere----Don't talk. Stay silent, because when you do you ruin good men's reputations. You perpetuated the lie that silence is the answer.

But silence is the problem.

Those boys had their voices taken from them not just by the perpetrator but by the one's who covered up his sin. Football and reputation became more important than truth and justice.

Paterno's cowardice had consequences, for him, for the boys, and now for the University. What we fail to oppose by speaking out, we silently condone. Edward Burke once said, ‎"In order for evil to flourish, all that is required is for good men to do nothing."

If this teaches you anything, it's that people are messy and multi-faceted and good men are capable of great evil. Instead of lashing out at the world maybe it's time to turn inward. To process, to accept, and to hope. To know that in this world there is both good and bad, and that the solution for both is found in the One who died for you, not just so you could get into Heaven but so that you could hope again, so that you could live, so that you could find your voice and help others find theirs.

Grieve, be angry, let what happened challenge all you knew, let it challenge your reality. Question and doubt and let that spur you on to seeking truth.

But do us all a favor? No more riots. Truth be told, it just makes you all look like chumps.

Sincerely,

Happily Ever After

2011-11-01T17:12:00.000-07:00

We are made in the image of God; we carry within us the desire for our true life of intimacy and adventure. To say we want less than that is to lie.

― John Eldredge, The Journey of Desire

There's a trend happening in entertainment. From TV shows to movies, there is this pull toward fantasy and fairytales. NBC and ABC have both recently released shows based on children's fairytales. Each has a hero, each a villain, and both tell us that there is much more to the world than what we see. In ABC's Once Upon a Time we learn that the sleepy town of Storybrook is really a sinister cover up for a curse where all fairy tale creatures have been trapped. Time has stopped in Storybrook and the former fairy tale creatures have all but forgotten who they really are. Yet each of them are plagued by the feeling that things aren't quite right. Something in them yearns for their once happily-ever-after lives.

Catch it yet?

There is within each of us, believer or not, a feeling, an inkling of former glory. It is this insatiable hole that hints at a former life. We were made for more than this. We were made for happy endings, for glory, for victory. There is this odd feeling that we don't quite fit this world, a desire for something we cannot quite put our finger on. Some part of us knows that things in this world have gone terribly wrong and we long for a hero, a savior.

I've seen many Christians up in arms about fantasy and fiction. From Twilight to Harry Potter, we have boycotted in the name of religion. We as a church have shut off the outside world for fear of it's influence instead of going out there to influence the world and in doing so we have missed what is right in front of us.

People are hungry for God.

Their cries are coming through by the stories they tell and relate to. Girls like Twilight because Edward is a mysterious being who is strong enough to crush them and yet exudes unconditional (albeit creepy) love. Kids love Harry Potter because it's a story about an mistreated orphan who finds out that he's really more powerful than anyone could have imagined. We watch tv shows like Once Upon a Time because in the end we long for good to triumph over evil and for the damsel and hero to be reunited.

Do you hear it? The cries?

Instead of walling ourselves off we should be starting conversations with those around us who are empty and need to be filled, who are despairing and need hope, who are hurting and need to be healed. People need to know that happily-ever-after does exist in this world, that there is hope, but that they are looking in all the wrong places.

The solution to a sick world isn't to lock ourselves in for fear that we'll catch it, it's to go out into the world and administer the cure. Discernment is noticing what is true about something or someone, judgement is letting it harden your heart.* Christians as a whole have been guilty of judging the world and shying away. We have hardened our hearts to a world that is crying out for it's happily-ever-after, that is empty and yearns to be made whole.

Will you answer?

*Quote from Pastor Bob Hamp, Recording: The Hidden Heart

Hope

2011-10-25T13:39:00.000-07:00

Proverbs 13:12 Hope deferred makes the heart sick

Our English dictionary defines hope as "to look forward to with desire and reasonable confidence." It springs forth our of the belief that things can and will be different. That we have purpose and a future.

But hope for some is risky.

What if you grew up in a world where disappointment and pain were everyday occurrences? What if you grew up in a family where the idea of hope was not only insignificant but dangerous. Hope meant opening yourself up to the possibility of disappointment, and that had happened too many times to count.

The word "deferred" in Hebrew is "mashak" which literally means to sieze or scatter. Hope seized and scattered makes the heart sick, and more importantly it makes the heart hard. For those who have grown up with abuse, their experiences tell them that hope is risky. Hope leads to disappointment and disappointment to hurt and that simply isn't worth it. It's easier to accept what is, that to hope for what could be.

It's a defense mechanism that we learn to survive, to protect ourselves. Our bodies and minds instead stand poised, waiting for the next shoe to drop because.... it always has.

There's an old proverb that says something along the lines of 'if you go looking for something, you'll usually find it.' If you look for the bad and the ugly, you'll find it all around you. In fact focusing on the negative keeps your focus on your problems, resulting in being surrounded by the very thing you don't want. You can't get free by focusing on what you don't want.

Hope is scary. It's vulnerability at it's best. It's opening yourself up to the possibility of pain but also to the possibility of freedom. There is a stirring in the body of Christ for hope. In a world that tells us of hopelessness, despair, and pain, there is a fire burning. All around us are hurting people. Politicians and religious figures alike have gathered followings by simply saying the words "hope" and "change."

Doesn't that tell us something?

People are hungry for hope. They are hungry for change. They are hungry for God.

I have feared to hope, considering the risk too great. I have told God that my problems and pain are bigger than him and I have placed my faith in my defense mechanisms. I have let my experiences define me and those around me. I have feared disappointment and releasing control.

But I serve a God who believed in hope and change so much that He sent His only Son to die for that. I serve a God that bled to see the prostitute transformed, the lepers healed, the hurting made hole, the prisoners set free, and the world changed. I serve a God who didn't give up on me and who is coaxing me, whispering to me about a future and a hope, about His plans to prosper me. He whispers to me about change, about freedom, and about beauty.

I'm ready to be vulnerable. I'm ready to open my hands up wide to receive what He's giving me. I'm ready to relinquish control. I'm ready to hope.

Are you?

Hebrews 11:1 Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.

The in betweens...

2011-10-05T16:25:00.000-07:00

Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit, He takes away. And every one that bears fruit, He prunes it so that it may bring forth more fruit.

John 15:2

I sat looking at my Nonna's very sad rose bushes who had to my annoyance, decided not to bloom this year. "What did I do wrong?" I asked our neighbor, perplexed. I'd fed, watered, and fertilized everything I could.

"Did you prune them?"

The answer of course was an emphatic no. It was later that I'd learn that pruning the rose bushes did four important things:

encourage new growth
remove dead wood
improve air circulation
and lastly shape the plant

I'd forgotten what seemed to be rose gardening rule numero uno!

There was a time where I'd felt much like our sad, headless little roses. Stuck in a place I'd rather not be, out of winter, but not yet in full bloom. I call it the "in betweens." The in-betweens are frustrating for a myriad of reasons. You've struggled and possibly come out of something, and now you're stuck somewhere after tragedy but before victory. It's like the Hebrews in the desert, the period between the Exodus of Egypt and the Promised Land. Eating manna can get a bit tiresome for anyone. So why the in between? Why the desert? Why not jump straight out of Egypt and into the land of milk and honey?

Let's take the time to imagine just for a second that the Israelites didn't wander, that God let them right into the middle of the many battles it took to take the Promised Land. Would they have been prepared for what lay ahead (remember that in order to take the land they had to fight many battles where they were outdone and outnumbered)? Probably not.

In fact, God's heart was always for their success (Jeremiah 29:11), but He had to weed out those things that would have led them to fail; idolatry, ungratefulness, cowardice, greed, disobedience. All of these things had to be purged in order to set the Israelites toward their destiny. In order to conquer the land they had to trust and press into God and those weeds had to be pulled out to accomplish that. The desert was for their good.

Like them, our deserts are also for our good. The in betweens are for pruning our hearts and readying our character for the adventures ahead. Much like pruning roses, the in betweens do several important things including:

encouraging new growth
removing lies we believe and healing the dead and wounded places in our hearts
improving our ability to hear the Holy Spirit
shaping us for our future

My latest in between lasted more than two and a half years and it was hard to walk out. However it was during that time that I learned much about myself and even more about God. Though I was pruned and pressed, looking back if I'd stepped into where I am now with who I was then, I would've crashed and burned. Ultimately, the in betweens, prepare us for our God-ordained destinies by helping prune our hearts of anything not submitted to Him. .

Pruning hurts, but the end result is well worth it. The Promised Land is worth it. If you're in an in-between, a place where you aren't quite happy with where you are, it may be that you're a rose bush badly in need of pruning (aren't we all!)

But the blooms next year? Oh yes, they will be beautiful!

Alex is a set free, transformed, loved woman of God who enjoys writing, photography, and a good book when she has time to read and is the founder of the blog 'Journey to Beauty'. She loves her family which includes her amazing husband Kevin, her fiesty grandmother Nonna, and her two dogs and cats. She has a passion for community, and for seeing people set free to find who they're created to be. Alex attended the Boston Conservatory of music as well as Central Christian College of the Bible in Moberly, Mo. She currently serves on staff at Gateway Church in the role of administrative assistant within Compassion Ministries and is a wiz at typing, stapling, and all things office related but most of all she gets to serve alongside a team that is slowly changing the world!